21 Ways to Have the Estate Planning Conversation
There's a reason that Google Maps and Waze have become so popular - we all like to have the security of a map telling us exactly where to go and how to handle any changes in the route ahead.
Having an estate plan offers the same type of roadmap but instead of telling you how to get to grandma's house, this one is for your family's future.
Writing a will is sometimes the easy part. Talking to your family about your plan, or asking them to write one so you can follow their wishes demands sensitivity and careful consideration. After all, family dynamics, financial aspirations and personal wishes are all quite personal.
That’s why we've compiled a comprehensive list of ways to talk to your family to help ease you into these conversations - let’s dive in!
Talking to Your Parents:
1. Initiating the Conversation: Inheritance and Health Considerations
Think about the touch points that would incentivize your parents to complete their estate plan. This may include ensuring your safety should anything happen to them or letting you know what medical decisions they would make in case they become incapacitated. Your parents may appreciate you thinking ahead. Here are some things you could say:
“I just want to make sure I know what to do if anything happens to you. Have you considered specifying your healthcare preferences just in case?"
“It would help me to know what I can expect from my inheritance so I can plan accordingly.”
"Let's make sure we're all on the same page regarding your wishes for the future."
2. Lightening the Mood: Light Humor Approach
Coming to the conversation with humor may make it more approachable. If you inherited your sense of humor from your parents, this may be the way to go. Being slightly funny can be a great icebreaker – consider saying something like:
“I’m the favorite, right? Then what am I getting in your will? *wink wink*"
"Inheriting a sense of humor is just as important as any material possessions, right?"
"I just want to make sure I get my inheritance, teehee."
3. Do it now to avoid stress later
Consider encouraging your parents to handle estate planning now so they don’t have to worry about it later. You can remind them that creating an estate plan will give them peace of mind knowing they’ve done everything they can to keep their family safe and secure even when they’re no longer here. Here are some ways to address the topic:
“I know you’re not going anywhere soon but I’d hate for you to worry about this if and when anything happens to you.”
“I just want to make sure we’re prepared for anything.”
“I’d rather we handle this now so we don’t have to stress about it later.”
4. Hatch a plan with your sibling
Your sibling may have been your partner in crime in childhood and can be your partner in plan now! Discussing each of your expectations when it comes to inheritance can help you better understand what you want and what would be best for your family. Consider saying things like:
“Hey sis, how do you feel about bringing up estate planning to the parents together?”
“I’d love to know what you really want in the inheritance.”
5. Offer Help
We all need a little help sometimes and maybe that’s what could be holding your parents back from creating their estate plan. With our Estate+ plan, we walk you through how to create a robust estate plan step-by-step. Consider offering your parents help, getting cozy with cups of tea, and completing the document-creation forms together! Here’s what you could say to extend a helping hand:
“I know creating an estate plan must seem a little daunting, let’s do it together!”
“I’d love to help you set up your estate plan with GoodTrust.”
“Creating an estate plan is easier than ever, we can do it online, and I can guide you through the whole process.”
6. Share concern
One of the reasons you may be thinking about your parents and estate planning could be concern. Concern for their health, assets, and more. It’s okay to share these concerns with your parents. Consider letting them know you want them to take the steps to protect themselves and your family:
“I’m concerned about what would happen to me and our family if anything happens to you – would you consider creating an estate plan?”
7. Make it about the (grand-)kids
If you have children, you could consider bringing them up to start the estate planning conversation. Discussing the multiple generations at play may help concretize the importance of estate planning. Consider saying something like:
“I’d love to know what you’re thinking about leaving me and your grandkids in your will.”
Talking to Your Siblings:
8. Partners in planning
Think about estate planning as a collaborative process: you and your sibling can help another, your parents, and your family in general by coming together and drafting clear and strong estate plans. Think about saying the following:
“We both know we have to start our estate plans, how about we do it together!”
“I’ve been working on my estate plan and would love your input.”
“I’d love to help you with your estate plan.”
9. Shared responsibilities
Talking about your parents and their estate plans as a shared responsibility can help show your sibling the importance of tag teaming estate planning tasks within your family.
“How can we work together to help the parents create their estate plan?”
10. Express concern for your parents
You and your sibling both care about your parents which is why you can consider discussing your parents’ health with them, for instance. It’s normal to want support especially when it comes to estate planning. Think about leaning on your siblings and discussing the following:
“If ever we have to make decisions about our parents’ health, I’d love to know what they would prefer.”
“I’d love your help in asking the parents what kind of health decisions they prefer.”
11. Early financial planning
Approaching financial aspects early in estate planning with your sibling can lay a solid foundation. Discussing your parents' finances as part of the planning process provides valuable insights for making informed decisions. Consider initiating this dialogue with:
"Understanding our parents’ finances is crucial for our estate plans. How about we delve into that together?"
"Early financial planning can guide our decisions. Want to join forces and go through it as a team?"
"I've started looking at our parents’ financial situation for our estate plans and would love your input?"
12. Talk about inheritance
Discussing inheritance with your sibling can be a great segue into larger . You can think about it with a touch of nostalgia, making it reminiscent of simpler times. Start by saying:
“Remember when we used to trade candy on Halloween? Let’s chat about what we’d like to inherit – anything specific on your list?”
“Let’s make the serious stuff a bit lighthearted – who gets what?”
13. Planning for the unexpected
Bringing up the importance of planning for unexpected events with your sibling emphasizes the need for a comprehensive estate plan. Share your concerns and initiate the conversation by saying:
“Life is unpredictable. Let’s ensure we’re prepared for any curveballs. How about we plan for the unexpected in our estate plans?”
“Talking about worst-case scenarios isn’t easy, but it’s necessary. Let’s discuss how we can plan for the unexpected together.”
14. Legacy and Family Heirlooms
Discussing family heirlooms can be a great segue into larger estate planning considerations. Consider starting the conversation with:
“I’d really love grandma’s ring, are there any specific family heirlooms you’d like.”
“I want to secure our family’s legacy and would love your help.”
Talking to family members with complex dynamics:
We understand not all family dynamics are easy, loving, and caring. For those family members that cause you a little more trouble, we’ve compiled a few tips and tricks to handle discussing estate planning with them.
15. Choose the right setting
When dealing with family dynamics that are less than ideal, the setting is crucial. Ensure you choose a calm and private environment where discussions can take place without added stress.
"Let’s find a quiet space to talk. I want our conversation about estate planning to be as stress-free as possible."
"How about we grab a coffee and discuss this somewhere neutral?"
16. Start small
For complex relationships, it's often best to start with smaller aspects of estate planning. Begin with topics that are less emotionally charged to ease into more complex issues.
"Estate planning involves many aspects. How about we tackle them one at a time, starting with the basics?"
17. Highlight benefits for loved ones
Emphasizing how estate planning benefits loved ones can shift the focus from personal dynamics to shared concerns for family welfare.
"Putting our differences aside, let’s focus on what’s best for our family. That’s what estate planning is all about."
18. Share your own planning experience
Sharing personal experiences with estate planning can make the conversation more relatable and less confrontational.
"Let me share my perspective on estate planning. It might shed some light on why I think it’s important for both of us."
19. Listen actively
In challenging discussions, active listening is key. Create an environment where both parties feel heard and understood.
"I want to understand your perspective. Can you share your thoughts on how we should approach estate planning together?"
20. Use hypothetical scenarios and explore different options
Engaging in hypothetical scenarios allows for objective discussions, exploring various options without directly confronting personal issues.
“What if this happened, what would be the best way to handle the situation?”
21. Involve a mediator if necessary
In the event that you have a tough time navigating through the conversation, consider involving a neutral third-party to help you reach positive conclusions.
Think of these options as guidelines to get inspired from when tailoring your specific estate planning conversation needs. We hope these help you start talking about the value of estate planning with your family members. Now that you’ve considered how and who to talk to, how about you start your plan? Click here to begin drafting your estate plan, today, you’ll be glad you did!